{"id":63445,"date":"2009-06-29T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-29T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/?p=63445"},"modified":"2009-06-29T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-29T00:00:00","slug":"ben-simdi-biraz","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/2009\/06\/29\/ben-simdi-biraz\/","title":{"rendered":"Ben \u015fimdi biraz…"},"content":{"rendered":"Ben \u015fimdi biraz sessizim. En derin yaralar\u0131n tam ortas\u0131nda. Beni yeti\u015ftiren de\u011ferlerin bir avu\u00e7 \u00e7apulcu taraf\u0131ndan yok edili\u015fine \u015fahit ve t\u00fcm bu tan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n ortas\u0131nda yaral\u0131. A\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p konu\u015fmak istedi\u011fim o her isyan an\u0131nda, karanl\u0131k kaba bir el taraf\u0131ndan susturulaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 biliyorum. Zavall\u0131 elit az\u0131nl\u0131k olarak etiketlendirildi\u011fimden bu yana k\u00fcsk\u00fcn\u00fcm bu \u00fclkeye. Sessizli\u011fim k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmden geliyor. \r
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Ben \u015fimdi biraz sa\u011f\u0131r\u0131m. En feci, en ay\u0131p, en yalan, en can s\u0131k\u0131c\u0131, en iki y\u00fczl\u00fc sesleri duymamak i\u00e7in kulaklar\u0131m\u0131 t\u0131kamak zorunda kald\u0131m. Yalanlar\u0131na ortak olanlardan olmamak i\u00e7in. Her \u015feyin demokrasi ve \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck i\u00e7in yap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yleyenlerin gelece\u011fe dair teorilerini i\u015fitmemek i\u00e7in duymuyorum. Onlar\u0131n onlarca y\u0131ll\u0131k iki y\u00fczl\u00fcl\u00fcklerini bir kez daha duymamak i\u00e7in ben \u015fimdi biraz daha sa\u011f\u0131r\u0131m. Sa\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmden geliyor.\r
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Ben \u015fimdi biraz k\u00f6r\u00fcm. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n g\u00f6zlerine bakmamak i\u00e7in. Bende onlar gibi \u0131\u015f\u0131ldard\u0131m \u00e7ok eskiden. Umut dolu ve kocaman bir y\u00fcre\u011fim vard\u0131. Sevdi\u011fim, inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m de\u011ferlerim. \u015eimdilerde biliyorum ki baksam da bakmasam da \u0131\u015f\u0131ldam\u0131yor bu d\u00fcnya. K\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmden geliyor.\r
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Ben \u015fimdi biraz … <\/b>\r
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Ben \u015fimdi \u00e7ok\u00e7a utan\u0131yorum. Aylardan temmuz geldi mi, temmuzun ilk g\u00fcnleri oldu mu en \u00e7ok g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez olmak istiyorum. \u0130rtican\u0131n bir \u015fehrin ortas\u0131nda ba\u011f\u0131ra ba\u011f\u0131ra y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015f\u00fc akl\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor. Haf\u0131zam\u0131 kaz\u0131y\u0131p yok etmek istesem de o g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcleri, yapam\u0131yorum. Irk\u00e7\u0131, \u015feriat\u00e7\u0131 o ars\u0131z suratlar ge\u00e7iyor yollardan yeniden kollar\u0131n\u0131 sallayarak. Yobaz beyinlere verilen \u00f6d\u00fcnlerin, cibiliyetsiz iktidarlar\u0131n, rejimi koruman\u0131n ne anlama geldi\u011fini kavrayamayan sakat d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc olarak kol geziyorlar Sivas sokaklar\u0131nda.\r
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\u0130nsan yand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda en \u00e7ok neresi ac\u0131r diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum, en \u00f6nce neresi ac\u0131r mesela ve bir insan yand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bir ba\u015fka insan\u0131n y\u00fcre\u011fi neden bu kadar ac\u0131r, ve o ac\u0131 neden hi\u00e7 ge\u00e7mez kalbin sol yaras\u0131ndan, neden kanars\u0131n bu kadar \u00e7ok?\r
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Ben \u015fimdi biraz yeniden a\u011flamak istiyorum. Utanarak hayk\u0131rarak a\u011flamak istiyorum. O g\u00fczel insanlar\u0131n yoklu\u011funda onlar i\u00e7in hi\u00e7 bir \u015fey yapamam\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in, yeni bir \u00e7i\u00e7ek yeti\u015ftiremedi\u011fimiz i\u00e7in, beyaz sa\u00e7l\u0131 k\u0131sa boylu g\u00fczel y\u00fcrekli adam\u0131n s\u00f6zlerini do\u011frulay\u0131p aptall\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131za aptall\u0131k katt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ve giderek daha fazla zihin fukaras\u0131 oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in. Ben \u015fimdi biraz uzakla\u015fmak istiyorum. \r
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“Yang\u0131n yerinde ya\u015famak zormu\u015f Metin Alt\u0131ok… \u0130nsan gibi ya\u015famak \u00e7ok daha zormu\u015f” dedi\u011fim i\u00e7in k\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, sa\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131, dilsizli\u011fi tercih ettim. Ben \u015fimdi biraz sizin i\u00e7in t\u00fcrk\u00fcler s\u00f6ylemek istiyorum, bir par\u00e7a g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 e\u015fli\u011finde yang\u0131n yeri sonras\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fimi az\u0131c\u0131k sakinle\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in…

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Ben \u015fimdi biraz sessizim. En derin yaralar\u0131n tam ortas\u0131nda. Beni yeti\u015ftiren de\u011ferlerin bir avu\u00e7 \u00e7apulcu taraf\u0131ndan yok edili\u015fine \u015fahit ve t\u00fcm bu tan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n ortas\u0131nda yaral\u0131. […]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63445"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63445"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63445\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentyasam.com.tr\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}